Originally published October 2023
Tess had never realized how loud footsteps could be. When you were walking through snow or dead leaves, sure, noise was expected, but against blank concrete? Each time her foot met the sidewalk it sounded like a drum being smacked. She kept expecting lights to turn on in the darkened windows she passed, voices rising to ask what was causing all that racket?
And then she’d be seen, which meant she’d be caught. She could not be caught.
You’re overthinking things again, Tess. You’ll be just fine. Myrtle’s voice whispered in Tess’s ear like she was walking beside her.
Tess shook the voice away and picked up her pace.
Be casual. Myrtle again. Tess slowed down by a fraction. The night air bit through her cotton jacket with ease, and a little speed helped her arms keep warm. As cold as they were, Tess felt an uncomfortable heat building in her gut.
A car sped through an intersection as Tess approached, causing her to leap in the air like a frightened cat. She waited a beat, but the car had disappeared. Tess released her breath. “Yeah, that was real casual.”
She took a moment to compose herself before crossing the street. She could see the glowing haze of the shopping plaza rising behind the houses now. In a handful of minutes, she would reach it. Tess’ heartbeat picked up, and the heat inside her grew.
Almost there. I can do this.
“I can’t do this.”
“Sure you can.” Myrtle sat cross-legged on the couch in her office. There was a fancy leather chair behind her desk, but she only used it when meeting with investors and clients—outsiders, as she called them. It was a sign of trust that she used the couch when Tess was here, proof she felt comfortable to be herself. Tess tried to remember that as she stared at the bag on the floor between them.
“Listen, I’ve got it all figured out. I’ll talk you through it as many times as you want. You can totally do this, Tess.”
Somehow, the way Myrtle said her name always made Tess feel like she was floating. Her voice was filled with such a certainty that Tess was capable of anything, it almost made Tess believe she was. Almost.
“There’s got to be another way.” Tess squeezed the fingers of her left hand with her right, then switched and squeezed her right fingers. Her leg twitched, wanting to bounce to release some of the nervous energy bubbling inside her, but she didn’t want to risk touching the bag.
Myrtle sighed. She pressed her hands down into the couch and leaned back, eyes closed. She’d done the same thing back in college, when someone came to her room in tears, convinced that the test they’d flunked or the guy that had dumped them meant their life was over. It was her way of preparing to talk someone off a ledge. She took a deep breath before looking at Tess, a syrupy smile spreading across her face.
The plaza was busy as usual for a Friday night. Music filtered out from hidden speakers, and streetlights gave shoppers the illusion of the safety of day. None of it comforted Tess. Music turned to sirens in her ears, and streetlights were search beams closing in on her. A group of teens walked out of a café, and it took Tess everything she had not to jump as one of them shrieked a laugh.
No one here is paying attention to you. Myrtle sounded annoyed with Tess’ neediness. You’re just another stranger in the crowd. Be cool.
Being cool had always been Myrtle’s specialty, not Tess’. Still, she straightened from her slump and tried to walk with casual purpose. She forced her eyes to wander instead of searching each passing face for signs that they knew. Tess was just passing through, like everyone else. Never mind the roiling sludge her insides had become.
After several minutes of walking that felt more like an eternity—Be cool. Don’t act like you’re in a rush—Tess stopped outside a burger joint. The last thing she wanted was food, but she wasn’t ready to go home yet, and she needed a break from walking.
Standing there, Tess barely heard the warning shout before someone bumped into her from behind. She stumbled forward, glancing back to see an apologetic woman passing by. Tess’ eyes fell on the plastic bag swinging from her hand. Her stomach writhed, the heat spreading. Jerking her gaze away, Tess shut her eyes and walked into the burger joint.
The bag burned at the corner of Tess’ eye. She couldn’t bring herself to touch it, knowing what was inside. Myrtle had lifted the plastic like it was nothing and dropped it onto a cushion next to her before motioning Tess to come closer. Now she was squeezing Tess’ hands, their perpetual heat warming her ever-cold palms.
“Tess, I know this is a big ask, but you’re the only one I can turn to.”
Tess desperately tried to focus on Myrtle’s voice. It had a soothing quality, warming and numbing her simultaneously, like alcohol.
Myrtle rubbed her thumb along Tess’ palm, adding to the effect. “Tess, do you trust me?”
“Of course I do,” Tess replied. “But, this feels wrong…”
“It’s not.” Myrtle’s grip tightened. “He deserves this. I’ve told you all the trouble he’s caused. It’s got to stop.”
Tess could feel tears welling where the bag burned at her eye. “I know, but this…”
“It’s distasteful, I know. Believe me, I wish there was another way, but there’s not.” Myrtle leaned forward, blue-green eyes holding Tess’. They reminded her of a candy she’d had on vacation as a child and never been able to find again. “I need to know I can count on you.”
Tess stared back, pained. The bag had become an inferno, the heat licking her right cheek. How could Myrtle not feel it?
“I…I…” Tess felt a tear slide down her cheek.
“Tess.” Myrtle’s grip was on the point of pain. “Can I count on you?”
There was an edge to her voice. Tess had heard it before, but she’d never gotten close enough to see what lay on the other side. Something told her this was her last chance to look, but habit was a hard thing to break.
Tess looked into the candy eyes. They filled her with sweet numbness. Ignoring the flames licking her skin, she spoke.
“You can always count on me.”
Tess stumbled out of the burger joint, a grease-stain bag clutched in her hand. Even though it was made of paper, the way it crinkled in her hand reminded her too much of the plastic bag from Myrtle’s office.
Why had she bought food? Just the thought of the greasy burger sitting in the bag made her sick. Tess looked for a trash can, then thought better of it. It wouldn’t be very casual to buy food and immediately throw it away.
She gripped the paper bag and hurried down the street. She needed to get away. Too much was happening here—the artificial light burned her eyes, and even the cold couldn’t soothe the burning nausea building inside her. She practically sighed with relief when she reached the relative darkness of the parking lot.
Tess found her car where she’d parked it—you don’t want any trace of it near his house—and threw herself inside. The bag fell to the floor, forgotten. Her hands shook as she tried to fit the key into the ignition.
Don’t throw up. Not here. Wait until you get home. Be cool.
As the engine roared to life, fire burned Tess from the inside.
Myrtle hadn’t been kidding when she said it was a nice neighborhood. The houses rose like castles toward the sky, each immaculate and impressive. Tess had dreamed of living in a place like this when she was a kid. Now, she was just breaking in.
Myrtle’s directions had been perfect, as usual. Pass his house on the far side of the street before crossing over to avoid the doorbell camera. The side gate isn’t locked. There’s a key to the back door hidden in the grill. His office is on the first floor, but it faces the street, so keep the light to a minimum.
As Tess slid open the back door, pocketing the key with a gloved hand, she wondered how long Myrtle had spent watching Paul’s house to figure all this out.
The home office felt like something out of a movie, all dark woods and leather. Tess found the computer tower tucked under the desk and got to work.
It was so easy to slip the second hard drive inside. Tess had built and repaired computers in college for cash, and her fingers moved between the drive and the motherboard with ease. As the cables snapped into place, Tess tried to not think about what was on the drive. Myrtle had given her a vague description that was still too much.
When the cops find that, he’ll be put away for life.
Tess finished screwing the side panel of the tower back into place, and once again wondered if this was the right thing to do. Paul was Myrtle’s business rival, but beating her out for a couple deals wasn’t a crime. Did he really deserve to have his life ruined? Myrtle insisted he was a horrible person, had done terrible things, but Tess had never witnessed anything. Had she ever even heard some besides Myrtle mention them?
A buzz from her pocket distracted her. Tess pulled out the burner phone that Myrtle had included in the bag.
P leaving party see u soon
“Shit,” Tess hissed as she backed out from under the desk. No time to think. She had to get out before Paul came back.
She slipped out the back door, making sure to replace the key in the grill before leaving.
Tess had stopped being a person by the time she reached her apartment. She was just a pile of directives. Park car. Grab bag. Walk upstairs.
The smell of the burger was making her sick. She chucked it in a dumpster as she walked past.
Pull out key. Unlock door. Go inside.
Tess’ hands were no longer shaking, but she didn’t notice. Only a person could notice something like that. The key clicked in the lock, and Tess stumbled through the entrance. Before the next directive could take over, movement from the corner made her freeze.
“Tess?” It was Myrtle. She was in her usual cross-legged stance, phone resting on her knee. She studied Tess’ face before shooting up, phone falling to the floor. She crossed the small room in two strides.
“Tess? What’s wrong? Did you do it?”
Tess knew she should respond, but the directive wouldn’t come. The fire in her torso was burning everything away. She could still feel the weight of the drive in her hand.
Myrtle wrapped her hands around Tess’ cheeks and pulled her eyes to her. “Tess, talk to me.”
“I…yeah, I did it.”
Myrtle beamed. Tess felt her pieces stitching back together. “Oh Tess, I knew you would. I knew I could count on you. You’re the best.”
Something thick and sweet slid through Tess, smothering the flames. She swallowed. “I am?”
Myrtle wrapped her arms around Tess and pulled her in tight. Tess’ face was crushed against her neck, but she didn’t mind. Her brain felt cloudy, the burn in her chest sputtering. She was so tired, but that was okay. Myrtle would hold her together.
“Yes, you are. I’m so proud of you, Tess. I’ll never forget this.”
Honey, honey, honey. Tess let it pour over her, thick and sweet, until the fire inside her choked out. With a sign of relief, she embraced the warm numbness.